Blue Origin's New Glenn Launch: Wyoming Outages vs. Stock Markets?

Blue Origin Sticks the Landing: So What?

Okay, so Bezos finally managed to get his giant metal phallus to land upright. Big deal. Blue Origin launched its New Glenn rocket, deployed some NASA satellites to Mars (eventually), and the booster didn't explode on impact this time. Everyone's patting themselves on the back. Am I supposed to be impressed?

The "Giant Leap" That Wasn't

Let's be real, this is just playing catch-up. SpaceX has been doing this reusable rocket thing for years. YEARS. And now, after countless delays and a billion dollars sunk into Launch Complex 36, Blue Origin finally nails a landing? They want a medal?

"We achieved full mission success today, and I am so proud of the team," said Blue Origin CEO Dave Limp. Oh, you're proud? Give me a break. It's like celebrating after finishing a marathon...three days after everyone else.

And the name of the drone ship is Jacklyn. In honor of Bezos' mom. I mean, come on. Is this space exploration or a really expensive Mother's Day gift?

Mars or Bust... Eventually

The whole point of this launch, aside from stroking Bezos' ego, was to send NASA's ESCAPADE satellites to Mars. Apparently, they'll "pave the way for the first humans to reach the red planet." Right. Because a couple of satellites are all that's been standing in the way of interplanetary travel.

These satellites, built by Rocket Lab, won't even reach Martian orbit until 2027. And the actual science mission doesn't start until 2028. So, we're talking about years before we see any real results. Years! I bet I’ll be playing Red Dead Redemption 6 by then.

And what exactly will ESCAPADE be doing? Measuring the Martian atmosphere and magnetic field. Riveting stuff. I'm sure that's going to be super helpful when we're trying to figure out how to, you know, not die on Mars. I mean, ain't that the real question?

The Musk Elephant in the Room

Here’s the kicker: Blue Origin is trying to compete with SpaceX. Let's just acknowledge the elephant in the room. Musk is already planning trips to Mars, building Starships that make New Glenn look like a bottle rocket. Meanwhile, Bezos is just now figuring out how to land a booster. It’s almost sad.

New Glenn is 322 feet tall, making it “comparable in size” to NASA’s Space Launch System (SLS). But SpaceX’s Starship? 400 feet. So, yeah, not really comparable. More like… cute.

And what’s New Glenn supposed to do? Shuttle Amazon's Project Kuiper satellites to low-Earth orbit. So, more space junk. Fantastic.

Though, offcourse, I should probably give them some credit. This was the vehicle’s second National Security Space Launch (NSSL) certification flight. So, I guess Blue Origin is trying to get in on that sweet, sweet government money. Can’t blame them for that. According to Blue Origin launches New Glenn rocket on NASA Mars mission. Here's a recap, the New Glenn launch was part of a NASA Mars mission.

So, What's the REAL Endgame Here?

Look, I'm not saying space exploration is a bad thing. But let's not pretend this New Glenn launch is some kind of revolutionary achievement. It's a wealthy dude’s vanity project, a way to try and keep up with Elon, and a potential source of government contracts. I'll get excited when they actually put someone on Mars and they don't immediately die. Until then, it's just more noise.